Home Alone

I have a memory from when I was 15 that has emerged in the past 18 months.  Part of my having to deal more seriously with my NM is because of my children getting older.  Thinking about my children has brought back loads of memories of when I was their ages.

My oldest child has started high school.  You remember all the activities right?   It’s a new, exciting world with sports, clubs, new teachers, lots of homework as usual, and needing rides and carpools to get home from after-school and weekend activities.  My DH and I are the parents of three--one in high school, middle school and elementary school.  They each play sports—in fact the oldest plays two sports.  My DH and I (and the children) were invited to a family wedding next month which would involve 2 days of travel and 2 days of events, but we are choosing to stay home rather than try to farm them out for two days of school and sports games, etc.

I am truly shocked at something my NM and Ex-Step-Father did when I was 15 and my brother was 17.  They left us alone at home while they went on a vacation.  I’m not talking about something like the movie Risky Business, or like my DH’s stories of parents leaving for the weekend and they had a party.

My folks went to Europe for 4 weeks and left us alone.  This was in the time before cell phones.  Making a regular phone call from Europe was a big deal.  There were no neighbors (we’d moved to this new part of town 4 months prior), no friends and no family checking in on us.  I have no idea how they could have been reached if something had happened.  I believe she called us a couple times.

My NM had decided that November was a good time to go to Europe (less crowded).  She had never been.  So the two of them went to all the typical countries for a pleasure trip.   During the school year.  

She left food in the refrigerator and $200 for groceries and gasoline.  My brother didn’t have his own car so he used hers for getting to school.  He went to a public school located in our old neighborhood about 25 miles away (not allowed but I guess she broke the rules).  I do recall that my NM told my brother before they left, that she knew what the mileage was on the car and she would find out if he drove more than the expected amount for him taking it to and from school, plus a little for grocery store errands.  I believe he had his friends pick him up and take him out on weekends, but he did his share of driving on the weekend (what did she expect??).  There was  a bruhaha upon their  return on the mileage.

I was 15 and had been going to the same private school for years—my folks moved a lot around a large, metro area, buying, renovating and reselling our homes.  Luckily for me, changing zip codes did not mean I had to change schools every couple years.  When we had moved to this new n’hood four month’s prior, my NM had found a senior at my school who would drive me to and from school for a fee (many seniors did this to earn gas money for their own new cars).  

Well.  I got dressed in my uniform each morning and was picked up and taken back home each day by a senior classmate (hardly knew her) , and made my lunch every day.  I did my homework each day and studied for tests/did projects.  Who knows what we did for dinner (my NM reminded us and laughed for years at how the salad stuff she left in the fridge had turned to “green soup” while she was gone).  All of my friends from school lived spread-out over miles of this metro area so no friends nearby.  And obviously we had no outside activities such as sports or clubs.

It may be accurate to say that at the time, my brother (and maybe me?) did not have a problem at all with them being out of our hair for FOUR WEEKS.

But I’m a parent and I cannot imagine anything that would take me away voluntarily from my kids for 4 weeks…..with no one checking in and no way to be reached!  My NM puts her wants first.  We are all lucky that my brother and I were pretty good kids and nothing happened.  As I have just only recently recalled this event, I have shared it with my DH and some friends.  I mentioned it last year to my brother and he only vaguely remembered and thought it was for 2 weeks (believe me, they went all over Europe and bought furniture and brought back jewelry and clothes).  If I ever get into a conversation about stuff with my NM, I am going to mention it.  I can imagine that she will come up with some Narc-like reason or make up something about how it happened differently.