I hardly know where to begin. Start at the present? Go back 40+ years ago and describe my young mother and her journey with my brother and me and her three marriages and divorces and moves back and forth across the U.S.? Or do I describe how I always thought it would be more convenient to find a label for my mother like a friend whose mother is Bipolar and in and out of the hospital?
Should I jump in and relay how last fall I went NC with my mother and soon found a description online of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and realized I finally had a label for my mother.
Perhaps I could create an outline of all the memories that have flooded back recently of my childhood, or maybe recount the times she has shown her colors during my marriage. Or perhaps I should cut to the chase of how more recently there have been incidents with my children that led to going NC.
Last fall I Googled "Daughters Who Don't Speak to their Mothers" and that is how I found some websites and blogs and articles. What a revelation to read that my NM had just about every bullet point covered.
Life often gets in the way for me with a full time job, three active, healthy children, and a hard-working, smart and patient husband. Reading other blogs has been freeing and my therapy. I'm glad to have finally started my blog to help me work through where I have been to get me to the next steps, and to hopefully touch others with my experiences.
I hope to cover all of the above. Things are going to get difficult. Because my NM has never apologized for some horrific things she has said, and because of some things that happened two years ago, we no longer visit. And she seems to think it is her right to see the kids. And she hardly acknowledges that I have had a DH for 22 years. And after 18 months of only email communication and then 6 months of NC, she called me and caught me off-guard. I'm really good at ignoring her. But I feel that an interaction is imminent. And Reader, I know I'll need your help.
I hope to break all of this down soon. In the meantime, thanks to all of you who share your stories.