I was getting ready to post about the status of any communications between NM and me from this past May (after she called out of the blue asking for the kids to visit her after 5 months of NC) to present, but I have rec’d an email from NM today so I am going to jump to the present, as I need some advice.
NM had emailed me in July to ask if she and her “fiancée” (they have been together for many years) could visit for a certain weekend in August but I said no because that was right before back to school. I should have addressed with her then that it is appalling that she keeps trying to pick up without acknowledging what I wrote to her last Nov. She then emailed me in August suggesting we get together in my area for her b-day weekend or a later weekend of my Youngest’s b-day. I ignored that email. Since she didn’t acknowledge my b-day in May I thought that was pretty nervy (and humorous actually) that she would suggest we get together for hers. At this time she is in her summer home which is about 3 hours away from me. It was interesting that she is no longer asking for the kids to visit her, but to instead come to me. Except that I cannot even now stomach the thought of her being in my house.
I asked my youngest child about her visiting that weekend. He said no way, he was planning a sleepover and didn’t want her there with all his friends there (I wasn't considering it but I was open with him that she was inquiring). As his b-day got closer she emailed me again and I did respond that he was having a sleepover so that weekend wouldn’t work. She wrote back mad saying, “You knew we were planning that weekend.” Turns out she only wants to visit when her fiancée can have off of work every few weeks so he can drive and also be her moral support (she now hates driving).
That was news to me that we were actually planning something. And Readers, she has no concept of what my weekends/week/life is like with three kids, enrolled in 4 sport teams, activities, etc. In between a Fri night and a Sat a.m. and p.m., DH and I are tag teaming to get it all done, around town, not to mention the food shopping, meal making, etc., etc. on the weekend since I am at work during the day (and she is a retired person).
Then she sent a gift that was of no interest to my child (as is often the case). The price tag of $30.00 was left on it, from a small, local store. Other Grandma sends each kid a $20 check which thrills my kids to no end as they know what they’d like to buy at Target, etc.
I have had my child write thank you notes to several relatives and I was just thinking about reminding him about a letter to her to be done with it and I just got this email today:
“I have not heard back from you in 5 weeks since you wrote about the sleepover party. I called on the actual birthday night and spoke to (other child) and asked for you to call me. I do not know if my birthday gift was received.”
She had called on that actual b-day, about an hour before I even got home from work and b-day boy wasn’t home yet either.
So…since this woman cannot take a hint, do I:
A). Reply back on email that my child rec’d the gift.
B). Ask child to send thank you note in mail (I’m torn between manners vs. encouraging correspondence with the kids. Although I should not care about manners any more with her).
C). Take this opportunity to point out that we won’t have any normal correspondence with each other since there has been no response from her to my email from last Nov., no apologies for things she has said.
I’m stressed. I’m busy at work. I can’t deal with her.