Saturday, June 4, 2011

When Former Nutjob Employers Give You Lemons......

I've mentioned in previous posts how I am busy from early morning till late at night with my job (for which I'd sometimes have to travel) and with 1 tween and 2 teenage children and dinner and their activities. What I've never written before is how miserable my job made me.  Back in the fall of 2008 there were not many job offers after a prior employer was bought by another company--so I took this particular one--and then the economy really took a bad turn.  For the past 2+ years it's been said often to be glad one has a job in this economy.

However, I knew the job wasn't the right one for me for a while now.  And then I realized that my boss had some N qualities.  She worked 24/7 and has one child and here is an actual quote with a laugh she said to me a few months ago about herself, "This parenting thing is interfering with my work life!"  Hmmm.  Isn't it interesting how once we become enlightened about NPD we have a radar for this.  Narc-dar.

With my own NM I have certain responsibilities which makes me feel like I have to do things sometimes as the "right" thing to do.  For example, I've had to deal with an illness and recuperation for my grandmother in another state and deal with my NM who was there when we visited-- part of my making a choice as a parent to do the right thing for someone else even though an N was involved.

And having a job that paid the bills (DH and I have equitable job salaries) is another example of what I have to do as part of my role to provide and do what is best as a parent and partner.

However--lately this job was making me sick.  I dreaded going there.  I was experiencing an incredible amount of stress. I started to job search a couple of months ago, feeling like the economy was in a better place for hiring now than a year ago.

And then 4 days ago I was laid off due to the company restructuring.  I was mad that they gave me notice--I had pictured my giving them notice soon.

But after the shock and weepiness during the first 48 hours, in these second 48 hours I have felt happier and healthier than in a long time, and I have been laughing on the phone with friends which has not been the case in a while.

People I don't even know in real life have been kinder to me these past few days than the people I used to see at work every day.  Old friends have given me more of their time over the past few days than any of these people I saw every day.  I've reached out to business contacts I've known through work and have received empathy, business leads, and encouragement.  All of these people know my authentic self.

As ACONs we know that the Ns in our life do not know us, are not interested in knowing us or liking us and cannot empathize and instead make circumstances about them.  So,the last person I would share my personal business with is my NM.

Who knows when I will be employed again, but everyone in my family is healthy, our home was not torn apart in a tornado and I am taking this opportunity to be good to myself and spend time with the people who matter most.


  1. Condolences and congratulations. I am sorry you lost your job. Your attitude is awesome. I hope what you need comes your way.

  2. I've been told that if you are a bundle of anger and resentment, Ns sense it and turn their anger on you. Now that you're in a more positive frame of mind, I'm betting you'll attract a better class of people.

    Enjoy you're break from the drama and happy job hunting!

  3. Enjoy the lemonade!

    I hope you'll soon find a job where you'll finally be surrounded by healthy, positive people!

  4. It sucks to get RIFed, but it sounds like you needed it. I'm hopeful you'll find what you're looking for in a job - work doesn't have to be miserable.

  5. sounds like a blessing! that job was killing you. you need this time to recuperate.
    i'm so happy for you.

  6. Thanks everyone. I had a great thought that gave me peace a few days ago. I realized that even if it takes months to get another job and even if we have some tough times paying some bills....I will still be in a better place than I had been at that toxic place.