I hardly know where to begin. Start at the present? Go back 40+ years ago and describe my young mother and her journey with my brother and me and her three marriages and divorces and moves back and forth across the U.S.? Or do I describe how I always thought it would be more convenient to find a label for my mother like a friend whose mother is Bipolar and in and out of the hospital?
Should I jump in and relay how last fall I went NC with my mother and soon found a description online of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and realized I finally had a label for my mother.
Perhaps I could create an outline of all the memories that have flooded back recently of my childhood, or maybe recount the times she has shown her colors during my marriage. Or perhaps I should cut to the chase of how more recently there have been incidents with my children that led to going NC.
Last fall I Googled "Daughters Who Don't Speak to their Mothers" and that is how I found some websites and blogs and articles. What a revelation to read that my NM had just about every bullet point covered.
Life often gets in the way for me with a full time job, three active, healthy children, and a hard-working, smart and patient husband. Reading other blogs has been freeing and my therapy. I'm glad to have finally started my blog to help me work through where I have been to get me to the next steps, and to hopefully touch others with my experiences.
I hope to cover all of the above. Things are going to get difficult. Because my NM has never apologized for some horrific things she has said, and because of some things that happened two years ago, we no longer visit. And she seems to think it is her right to see the kids. And she hardly acknowledges that I have had a DH for 22 years. And after 18 months of only email communication and then 6 months of NC, she called me and caught me off-guard. I'm really good at ignoring her. But I feel that an interaction is imminent. And Reader, I know I'll need your help.
I hope to break all of this down soon. In the meantime, thanks to all of you who share your stories.
So glad you've started to write down your story. Looking forward to more - take your time and go with what feels right. There's a lot to tell.
ReplyDeleteYou've come so far already! I feel the same way: interaction is imminent. The thought alone makes my body say, duck & cover!
xo
upsi
Welcome and thank you for having the courage to start a blog!! I haven't reached that point, yet. But I do read the ones that are out there. It has been so validating for me to know that I am not alone. I am always awed by the similarities in each of our stories. I have been NC with my NM and Nsis for one year now. My NM also thinks it is a-ok to have a relationship with my children without realizing nor caring that it puts them in the middle. Her mode of punishment is silence and abandonment. Something I am quite use to from her, but sad at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to traveling on this path with you through your blog. We have so much to learn from each other!
You did it! You took the plunge and started your own blog to share your experiences. I second Upsi's suggestion above, take your time and write when it strikes you. I look forward to reading this blog and your insights into what you are dealing with.
ReplyDeleteI hope you've got your boundaries fortified, and if you need any support, we're all here for you!
Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I agree with Upsi; take your time and let the words flow when it seems right. The timeline isn't important, sometimes it just comes out in themes and common patterns. Just remember you're not alone; we're here to lend our ears and support.
ReplyDeleteWelcome! I look forward to reading more about your journey. Upsi's suggestion really is great advice - take your time. Going over the specifics of what happened can be draining - almost as if we're re-living the experience. That is what I am struggling with right now. I just started my blog last month. I want to get it all out right now, but it's just too much to do all at once. I'm trying to find a healthy balance. This community has been so great - everyone is so supportive. I think you'll feel the same! :)
ReplyDelete<3 Raven
Thanks all, for the welcome! Your words mean so much!
ReplyDeleteI feel like it took me two weeks just to figure out what to call my blog and am so ready to share my story and find solace and help with everyone. I have always loved that movie Splendor in the Grass with Natalie Wood and she recites Wordsworth’s poem in class. I wish things were different with my FOO but it has made me who I am and I find the strength in what remains behind.